Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
