In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I currently don't understand fingers.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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