It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize