i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
