are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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