For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
