I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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