Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
