but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
