She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
How does it feel to date your dad?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
