You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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