I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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