just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize