my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
