I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
