she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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