so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
