my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
