She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
