The maid of honor just puked.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
