How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
