is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
