You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
