I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
