Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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