i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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