Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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