He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I touched a dick in church today
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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