Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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