I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
