If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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