East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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