OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
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I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize