fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
