Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
