I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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