i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
COCAINE IS GR8
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
