Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
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He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
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If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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