Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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