I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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