Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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