You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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