Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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