The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
why does every cop we meet know your name?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
