i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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