We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Dick very happy bro
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