I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
