I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
