Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
