Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
