Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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