My first STD was from a foam party
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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