before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
