Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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