the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
