ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
