So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
