whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
