And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
