I think my vagina is haunted
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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