I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
