STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
