Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
false alarm. still invincible.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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