Welp...herpes.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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